A Clockwork Orange, 137

Adams, Abigail, combustibility of, 174

Adrenaline, 22, 44, 120, 164, 188, 276, 316

Allen, Woody, 46

Anchoring, 121-22, 124

Asia Minor, 133, 281, 309-310

Baboons, wild, chased by, 196, 273, 276-77

Badgers, ravenous, 124, 128

Bailey, Alan, 291-92

Barker, Craig, 148

Bate, Jeremy, 244, 266, 267, 272

Batman, 35

Bauhaus, 183

Beals, Jennifer, 184

Bell, Alexander Graham, unaware of bed construction, 206, 311

Berkeley, University of California at, 5, 21, 107, 147, 178, 237, 239

Berman, Steve, 303, 321

Bhutan, 4, 240-241, 272, 284, 286, 328

Bioluminescence, 116, 141, 264

Boleyn, Anne, self-portraits of, 39-40

Bones, rearranged surgically, 73, 302, 322

Bonobo chimpanzees, best form of hello ever, 197

Book of Common Prayer, 201, 325

Boone, Daniel, 68

Boong, not buzz or ring, 20

Borchardt, Bruce, 303-04, 307-08, 313-15, 317-19, 321

Borg, the, 118, 162

Brain-freeze, 24

Burnett, Carol, 218

Butterworth, Mrs., 118, 198, 203, 273

Camaros, "his & hers," 127, 129, 132, 142, 197-98, 291

Cameron, Burns, 14

Carroll, Lewis, 67, 102-03, 311-12, 317-20

Carroll, Robin, 16, 236, 245, 264-65, 273, 288

Cement, connected to chickens, 59

Cher, 226

Chernicoff, Steve, 303-04, 320

Chickasaw Indians, link to Elvis Presley's sex life, 96

Cholinesterase inhibitors, 62, 64

Chumash Indians, 215

Cleveland sports teams, futility of, 9, 173-74, 190-92, 228

Clue Crew, living in van and fighting crime, 16

Coconuts, lovely bunch of, 12, 17, 327

Codpiece, armored, 6

Cognitive dissonance, 83

Concordance of the Bible, 69, 103, 136, 201

Coppola, Francis Ford, 325

Cooper, India, 244, 266, 289, 303-04

Corpses, dancing in cheese, 183

Costner, Kevin, on his knees, 110

Cover Girl, in a blowhole, 25

Cubbage, Tom, 289, 292-301, 309

Cuthbertson, John, 320

Damnation, eternal, 68

Daunt, Michael, 6, 16, 289, 303-04, 307-08, 311-20, 322

Day, Doris, blown to bits, 103

Dead guy, body of, used to signal the cops, 20

Dead Man Walking, 39, 149

DeGeneres, Ellen, 108

Den Hartog, Josh, 148

Depp, Johnny, 184

de Vere, Edward, seventeenth Earl of Oxford, 16, 60, 102-103, 269-70, 300

Die Hard, 20

Dotto, 12

Douglas, Michael, 307

Dracula, 326

Drug lords, Colombian, 75

Dwarf, kickboxing, used to memorize U.N. Secretaries-General, 97

Ebola, 159

Ecuador, place to flee to, 39, 76

Eightfold Path to Enlightened Jeopardy, 25, 28, 29, 38-39, 48-49, 60, 84, 109, 113, 124-25, 145, 151, 155-56, 171, 185, 239, 246, 293-94, 298

Einstein, Albert, 50, 136

Ephesians, disappointing relationship with, 55

Epstein, Frank, 293-95, 297-300

Erythema nodosum, 185-86, 254

Ethic of reciprocity, 200

Ettinger, Bob, 246

Fairy penguins, 284-86, 295

Farrell, Will, 15

Fight Club, 80, 195

Fillmore, Millard goddam, 23, 24, 28-29, 95, 192, 235

Flanders, Ned, cuckolded, 34

Fleming, Art, 13, 14

Flowers For Algernon, basis for film Charly, 215

Forearm, correct amount of, 75, 275

Ford, Harrison, 278, 307

Forrest, Chuck 6, 73-74, 85-87, 99-100, 103, 110-111, 116, 118, 123, 207, 236-37, 244, 264-67, 272, 288, 291, 301, 328

"Forrest Bounce," 6, 73, 85, 87, 149, 187

Forster, E. M., 89, 92

Fosse, Bob, 233

Frates, Leslie, 244, 264-66, 273, 289, 291-92

Freeman, Morgan, voice of, 5, 327

Friedman, Harry, 247, 248, 327

Fuel, discharged from shuttlecraft, 20

Game Show Congress, 220-21, 290

Gandhi, Mohandis K., 136, 157, 200

Gangs, dancing, in New York, 122, 271

Garfield, James, 205-06, 310-11

Garland, Judy, 168, 327

Gilbert, J.H. Company of Willoughby, Ohio, 56, 60-61, 63, 66, 70, 71, 74, 209

Gilbert, Johnny, 7, 14, 31, 152, 198, 234, 250, 292

Gilligan's Island, 70

Gillispie, Scott 303-04

Glucocorticoids, stress response, 120, 254, 270

Goatskin, bloodstained, 80, 290, 303

Gödel, Kurt, 135, 150

"Go Lights," 35, 40, 50, 157, 161, 179-82, 245, 268, 269, 272, 307-08, 314

Graham, Heather, 214

Grant's Tomb, 309

Grape jelly, your brain becoming, 48

Greed, 218-19, 221

Griffin, Julann, 11-12, 17

Griffin, Merv, 11-14, 16-18, 155, 158, 317; owns one-third of earth's crust, 17; reincarnated, 114; keeper of ancient wisdom 114, 327

Gropius, Walter, 183

Gutowski, Paul 148

Hagia Sophia, 281

HAL computer, 244

Hale, Kyle, 303

Halicarnassus (Bodrum), 309-10

Harvard University, 5, 50, 147

Hats, red, various, 69, 241, 285, 322

Havel, Vaclav, 283

Hellman, Dara, 239, 321-23, 324-27

Heston, Charlton, 308

Hiawatha, eight-ton, fifty-foot-tall statue of, 11-13, 17, 145

High Rollers, 72

Hindenburg, the, 39

Hoffa, Jimmy, 313

Hopkins, Anthony, 115, 141, 193, 269, 310

Houdini, Harry, 43, 169

Howards End, 90-92; re-imagined as thirty-foot buttocks, 91-93, 317; actual end of a real guy named Howard, 219-20

"Incunabula," meaningless syllables, 189

Internal Revenue Service, 180

Ironwood, Michigan, 11, 14, 18, 325

Isolation booths, 12

Jackson, Andrew, owed a beer, 308

Jaws of Life, 18

Jell-O shooters, 137

Jennings, Ken 6, 9, 16, 94, 287-89, 295, 304; not giving a spongebath, 94; as Japanese monster movie, 287; penmanship of, 287-88; possible explosion of, 288

Jesus, 200, 281, 295

Jeopardy Mansion, lush, 152

Jeopardy Weapon, 21, 48, 112, 202, 257, 268, 293-94, 315

Jiu-jitsu, 107

Johnson, Kim "Howard," 219-20, 285

Jones, Inigo, 183

Kagan, Glenn, 45, 109, 118, 119, 127, 128, 158, 176, 246, 327

Kampala, Uganda, confused with Kigali, Rwanda, 259

Kazakhstan, many sheep of, 48

Keisters, various sizes, 11, 133, 219

Keller, Helen, 136

Kennedy, George, lack of bad breath, 115

Kenobi, Obi-Wan, 245

Kent, Clark, 22, 47

Kevlar, use by public school teachers, 81

Khan al-Khalili, both the novel and the souq, 314

King World Productions, 14

Knesset, different from Althing, 139, 265

Knickers, rubber, 57

Knutsen, Rick, 303-04, 321

Kung Fu Grip, realistic 21

"Lake effect" snow, 11, 61

Lauderdale, John, 29, 250, 305

Library of Alexandria, 69

Lincoln, Abraham, 19, 23, 137, 178, 190, 192

Lint rollers, 88

Lohan, Lindsay, 214

Lord of the Flies, 70, 128

Loud, Grant, 45, 109, 119, 128, 158, 176, 246, 327

Lowenthal, Mark, 85, 301

Luminiferous ether, 135

Luxor casino, as trans-millennial Dada masterpiece, 245

Mackenzie, Bob and Doug, 182

Mahfouz, Naguib, 314

"Manamana" song, applied to linguistic morphology, 225

Mandela, Nelson 283

Mann, Matt 22-23, 30, 43, 47, 56, 105, 107, 115, 150

Market research, completely useless, 13, 14, 15

Matrix, The, 300, 314

McCullers, Carson 184

McGuire, Jimmy, 314

McKellen, Ian, 270, 300

Melia, Dan, 68, 147, 157, 160, 162, 176, 177-79, 181-85, 187-90, 193, 201-02, 206, 210, 212, 215-16, 234-35, 237, 239, 247, 248, 268, 273, 288, 290, 301, 303-04, 307, 319-20, 321-23, 324-27

Miami Vice, 75

Miller, Arthur, 136

Miller, Chris, 320

Monkeywrenchfish, 189

Moo, 159

Mosquitoes, size of lawn darts, 18; bird-eating, 61; fighting with bare hands, 62; unlike any I remembered, 208

Mouse deer, 277

Mueller, Pam, 320

Muppets, The, 225

Neutron, Jimmy, 56

Newhouse, Eric, 244, 264-65, 267-72, 288, 289, 303, 307, 321

Norwegians, cruel, 83

Nugent, Ted, 186

"One-to-ones," 238, 299, 314

Oooh, the, 114, 152-53, 155, 156, 157, 193, 212, 217, 319

One-True-Eternal-Soulmates™, 37, 39, 55, 76, 221, 229

Oxford English Dictionary, 23

Pacino, Al, 294

Paine, Lyn 148, 159-60, 164-66, 169-75, 178

Pandas, arthritic, 233

Pandolfo, Tony, 234, 246

Pardo, Don, 13, 14

Patinkin, Mandy, 214

Pavlov, Ivan, 8, 138, 290

Pawlowicz, Leszek, 221, 290, 301

Penis, fifteen-foot statue, 75-76, 233

Perk, Ralph, mayor of Cleveland, on fire, 228

Perry, Claudia, 146, 244, 266

Phillips, Arthur, 56, 147, 289, 291-93, 301

Pong, 6, 33, 71

Potent Potables, 68, 152, 179, 239-40, 290; Literary variety, 179

Pitt, Brad, in a leather skirt, 134, 299

Pork bellies, 261

"Portcullis," meaningless, possible nonsense word, 151

Price is Right, The, 14

p-TING!, two F notes an octave apart, 15

Pudu, 244, 249, 252, 257-58, 269, 328

Radio City Music Hall, 9, 13, 18, 74, 234, 242, 246, 249, 256, 261, 262, 266-68, 271, 300

Ramen, Fred, 148, 156-57, 289, 301, 303-04, 321

Renal organs, 170

Rollerball, 106

Roast turkey, molested, 115, 117, 198

Robinson Crusoe on Mars, 35

Rooney, Michael, 289-90, 303-04, 320, 321

Rugby players, plane-crashed in the Andes, 9

Rutter, Bradford, 6, 9-10, 16, 236, 245, 265, 272-73, 288, 292, 320, 321

Ryan, Sean, 287, 288

Saarinen, Eero, almost confused with Salonen, Esa-Pekka, 183

Saving Private Ryan, live version with penguins, 285

Schmidt, Rocky, 327

Schwartz, Rachael, 236, 245, 248-50, 253-59, 261-67, 272, 289, 291-92

Scissors, giant, and Little Women, 111

Scott, Peter, 148, 164-66, 169-72, 175

Secretaries-General of the United Nations, 90, 96-98, 99; connected via a kickboxing dwarf, 97

Secrets of the Jeopardy! Champions, 85-87

Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, 4, 309

Sewage, former secretary of state William H., 298

Shannon, Leslie, 244, 266, 267-69, 271, 328

Shatner, William, singing a Beatles song, 169

Sheen, Martin, 307

Sibelius, Jean, 238-39, 283

Signaling Device, 20-21, 35, 80

Singing Revolution, 239, 283

Skinner box, 142

Simpson, Homer, 27, 122

Smush, 216-18

Solitary confinement cells, 12

Sondhein, Steven, 310-11

Space aliens, naked, on rollercoaster, 28

Spangenberg, Frank, 6, 73-74, 118, 234, 236, 244, 248-50, 252, 254-65, 288, 320

Speak, Maggie, 45, 246, 327

Speed Reading Made Easy, 6, 33, 56, 98

Sporks, plastic party, 65

Srinivasan, Babu, 244, 264, 266, 289, 291-93

Stamos, John, 224

Star Trek, 325

State-dependent retrieval, 37-38, 50, 79, 126, 137, 165

Stein, Ben, 221

Stewardess, Ukrainian, 45

Stewart, Patrick, 214

Strindberg, August, 184

Sutherland, Kiefer, 184

Switchblades, 44

Tarantino, Quentin, 27

Tasers, 6

Tattoos, inexplicable, 56

Tennyson, Alfred Lord, 299

"Think Music," 13,16, 17, 154, 155, 174, 175, 262-63, 325-26

Thor, 166

Three Stooges, 91

Thurber, Susanne, 9, 22, 52, 148, 158, 162, 164, 234-35, 246, 248, 267, 327

Thurman, Uma, 27, 60

Timanus, Eddie, 245, 264, 266, 289

Tonight Show, The, 12

Torvalds, Linus, 285

Toutant, Ed, 221

Trebek, Alex,    7, 9, 14-17, 20, 24, 29, 31-32, 46, 72, 79, 108, 109, 117, 123, 139, 150, 158, 164-66, 169, 174, 185, 186, 190, 193, 212-13, 245, 247-49, 251-52, 256, 262-63, 271, 272, 297, 299, 307, 309-10, 314, 318-21, 323, 324, 326; without a physical body, 2; rebooted, 6; guest announcer, Wrestlemania, 15; worshipped on tropical islands, 17; rarely talks about your nose, 24; dressed as Statue of Liberty, 31-32; disappearing into mist, 52; devising tournament format, 144; and the role of the "Oooh," 152-53; hitting players in head with clues, 180; forming as the result of quantum fluctuation, 193; his pity not needed, 211; helping the poor, 280; without pants, 320-21; witness to holy event, 326

Trebekistan 134-36, 139, 154, 155, 173, 195, 204, 206, 210, 215, 216, 263, 266, 269-70, 273, 275-76, 278, 281, 283-84, 314, 324-25, 327, 328

Triple-stumpers, 112

Trivial Pursuit, 14

Triangle Shirtwaist Fire, 39

Troy, ancient, 134, 281-82

Turner, Ted, throwing up, 111

Twain, Mark, 118, 135-36, 157

Twenty-One, 12

Ulm, Wes, 148-53, 157-60, 235, 247, 307

Vaseline, 63

Veach, Grace, 148-53, 157, 160, 177-78, 206, 234, 237, 247, 289, 301, 307, 320

Vered, Jerome, 221, 290, 301, 303, 320, 321

Verini, Bob, 244, 266, 272, 288

Vieira, Meredith, 220

Waits, Kate, 244, 264, 266

Waldorf-Astoria hotel, 234, 244, 266

Walsh, Tom, 287, 303-04

Warhol, Andy, 223

Weenieness, advanced, 185-87, 190

Weikle, Brian, 288

West, Adam, 35

Wheel of Fortune, 14

Whitcomb, Sarah, 314

Whitlock, Shane, 303

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, 9, 219-20, 285

Winfrey, Oprah, 200

Wisconsin, unknown location, 163-64, 250, 299

Wizard of Oz, The, 289

Woolery, Chuck, 218

Worth, Kim, 148, 162-63, 177-79, 181-82, 184-85, 187-88, 193, 199, 202, 210, 212-13, 215-16, 234, 237, 247, 268, 299, 307

Wrestlemania, 15, 241

X-Files, The, 15

Yak meat, 241, 286

YMCA, 74

Yoda, 245

You, 4, 5, 6, 10, 18, 20, 25-29, 37-39, 43, 45, 51, 56-57, 59-60, 82-83, 88, 90-101, 113-14, 118-21, 131, 163, 167-68, 193, 227, 228, 319, 328

Yut, 280, 294, 300, 304, 316

Zombie Jeopardy, 112, 315