BobHarris.com - The Cleveland Indians: a promise fulfilled

Books! Actual books!

"A rollicking ride of intellectual discovery and emotional growth... his comic timing never fails"

-- The Wall Street Journal

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-- The New York Times Book Review

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-- New York Newsday

"A surprisingly touching memoir"

-- Entertainment Weekly

"Snappy and informative"

-- Associated Press

"Effortlessly funny and informative... tender, human, and very wise... A must for anyone who loves Jeopardy!, or has ever seen it, or is breathing."

-- Joss Whedon, creator, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I haven't seen Jeopardy! since I was a kid, and yet I was charmed and amused by Bob Harris's fascinating and surprisingly suspenseful book. Through sheer force of personality, he takes this brainy TV show and makes it funny and easy to relate to."

-- Ira Glass, creator and host, This American Life

"A surprisingly intimate, entertaining book."

-- Orson Scott Card, 4-time Hugo Award winner, author of Ender's Game

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-- A. J. Jacobs, author of The Know-It-All

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-- Brad Rutter, top money-winner in Jeopardy! history

Books I'm Getting

Who Hates Whom:
Well-Armed Fanatics, Intractable Conflicts,
and Various Things Blowing Up —
A Woefully Incomplete Guide™

“Revelatory... Harris's sly wit and infectious curiosity make understanding world chaos fascinating... witty, horrific, and necessary.”

— Boston Globe

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— New York Observer

"Only Bob could make a user’s guide to our increasingly hostile world this absorbing, this breezy, and—ultimately—this hopeful.”

— Ken Jennings, author of Brainiac: Adventures in the Curious, Competitive, Compulsive World of Trivia Buffs

“Fascinating, enlightening, and surprisingly: NOT TOTALLY DEPRESSING. A gimlet-eyed look at the world we endure that’s also suitable for enjoying with a gimlet.”

— John Hodgman, author of The Areas of My Expertise
and correspondent for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

"All three [presidential] candidates should read all three of these [recommended] books, but McCain gets first crack at Bob Harris's "Who Hates Whom“... a lighthearted overview of the insurrections and civil wars in the world today."

— Steven Pinker, author of The Stuff of Thought, in the New York Times Book Review

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The Cleveland Indians: a promise fulfilled

Tag it now -

Sunday, 01 October 2006

Which is to say: yes, the Indians sucked all year long, exactly as predicted here during the first game in April.

Several people who have read Prisoner of Trebekistan have asked if being a Cleveland sports fan is really as bad as I describe in the book.

It's worse.

Now that it's the last day of the regular season, let's look back at a summer destined to go down on history, because that's the only way history is going to remember it:

The leadoff hitter who was given $24 million after batting .289 last year... batted .290 this year. (He's actually turning into a fine player, however. So the snark in his case is admittedly a bit unfair.)

The second hitter with not much power or speed had arguably the best all-around year of his career. He's not a threat to reach 40 homers and 40 steals like Alfonso Soriano. He's not likely to reach the 30-30 club, or even 20-20. Or 10-10. But he did manage to go 9-9, a mark only bettered by fifty other guys.

So that's exciting.

The front office traded the first baseman who can't hit lefthanders for another first baseman with zero career home runs. (He now has three in 175 trips to the plate, so if he somehow doubles his output next year, he'll have about one-third as much power as the Phillies' rookie first baseman.) Then they traded the second baseman with a career average of about .270 for another second baseman who hit about .270, then replaced him with a career minor leaguer. This was actually a slight improvement.

You get the idea. There was never, ever any hope this year.

That's not to say the Indians have no good players. They've got Travis Hafner, a first baseman who can't field his position, so long-term he can only really be used as a DH. Plus, they've got Ryan Garko, a promising rookie first baseman who can't really field his position, so long-term he can only be used at DH. They've also got Victor Martinez, a catcher-turned-first baseman who can't field either position, so long-term he can only be used at DH.

All they need now are guys to play about seven more spots on the field, and they're golden. Plus about seven more decent pitchers.

The Browns, meanwhile, have not won a football game all year. As I write this, they're currently playing the Raiders, who have also not won a game all year. The Raiders are beating the Browns 21-3. It doesn't even look that close.

And yet here's the thing: I love sports.

This is why I spent Friday night in a bar in Santa Monica, watching the Aussie Rules Grand Final, cheering for my buddy Jono's favorite team. (Go Weagles!) This is why I spent part of my workday yesterday watching Arsenal pull out a come-from-behind victory against Charlton. This is why I keep Munster and Western Province matches on the Tivo. This is why I'll be in Sydney again in a few months, screaming my head off over the Ashes.

Basically, if I pick a team to root for in every sport played on earth, somebody has to win a title now and again. It sure as sh*t ain't happening any other way.

If you don't understand why a guy who spent his whole life watching the Browns and Indians now buys satellite subscription services from halfway around the world, just so he can cheer for guys named Cesc Fabregas, Ronan O'Gara, and Bolla Conradie, you have not watched enough Cleveland sports.

I would like to tell you that I, for one, have.

But gosh, a couple of the Indians' rookies actually looked pretty good... maybe next year, I have actually thought to myself today. Several times.

Maybe next year.

Actually, maybe around 2009. Maybe.

Sigh.