I know we're all breathing a little easier right now... but remember, the following are all still walking our streets freely:

Carole King
Terry Jacks
David Soul
Phoebe Snow
Janis Ian
The Captain & Tennille
Donny Osmond
Seals & Crofts
Eric Carmen
The DeFranco Family

If you see any of these individuals, do not attempt to apprehend them yourself. They could break into song at the slightest provocation, possibly disabling entire neighborhoods. Please allow the Department of Homeland Security to apprehend and deport them with their usual level of competence and wisdom.

UPDATE: Many of you seem to be alarmed at the inclusion of Terry Jacks and Janis Ian in the above list, in the belief that they died long ago and are now apparently undead, creating yet another category of beings for the DHS to worry about.

Nope. Terry Jacks isn't dead; he's Canadian. (Old joke, yes; also true here.) And I met Janis in Cleveland myself not long ago, doing a morning television show. Granted, morning TV in Cleveland is perilously close to being undead, but not quite across the line.

It is true, however, that the Osmond "family" is actually an alien species of large-jawed carnivores who hunt raw flesh by performing a hypnotically discordant dance, seizing their stunned prey between multiple rows of giant white teeth, and stripping the bones in a matter of seconds.

Still, they're not dead, either. But it's all the more reason to stay out of Branson.