BobHarris.com - A few things we all learned today

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A few things we all learned today

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Monday, 13 February 2006

Just to review, in the wake of Tricky Dick's 18-Hour Gap:

It is perfectly sporting not to shoot at quail in the air, but near the ground -- at roughly eye level, in fact.
It is also responsible to fire at eye level when you do not know where a member of your party is.
There is no reason a hunter should be expected to know what he is shooting.
If you are shot by the vice president, it is your own fault for not first shouting, "Mister vice president, sir! Please do not shoot me in the face, neck, and torso!"
Being wounded in the face, neck, and torso by a shotgun is something that happens to hunters all the time.
Shotgun wounds are inherently minor.
People also go into intensive care with minor wounds all the time.
There is no reason to worry about a 78-year old man who has been shot in the face, neck, and torso and has been in intensive care for days.
A 78-year-old man who has been shot in the face, neck, and torso is obviously healthy if his eyes are open and he is able to speak.
It is perfectly respectable to kill animals not because you need to put food on the table, but for fun. It is good that our leaders take pleasure in killing.
Shootings by vice presidents are always reported by local newspapers, who learn a few carefully-chosen details from a friend of the vice president, after she has spoken with Karl Rove.
When the vice president of the United States shoots a man, there is no reason the president of the United States should immediately learn exactly what happened.
When the vice president of the United States shoots a man, there is no reason the public should find out about it until the next day.
When the vice president of the United States shoots a man, there is no reason he should be interviewed by local law enforcement until enough time has passed for his body to metabolize any alcohol in his bloodstream.
When the vice president of the United States shoots a man, he is not subject to any of the relevant state or local statutes.
When the vice president of the United States shoots a man, he does not even need to face the press or public in person.
When the vice president of the United States shoots a 78-year-old friend in the face, neck, and torso, putting him in intensive care for days, after negligently firing a weapon for the sheer pleasure of killing, he can insist that he has done nothing wrong and go to bed with a clear conscience.