I got kidnapped out of town this weekend as part of the festivities
surrounding the 25th anniversary of my 17th birthday. And so I wound
up seeing this:
Oh. My. God. Sumo is so much cooler than I expected.
I must confess to carrying only a cartoonish idea in my head. The reality is even more cartoonish, actually. I had no idea guys this big could be quick enough to dodge blows and flexible enough to do the splits.
It’s like watching superheroes do combat.
And the variety of styles and strengths and even body types is
fascinating. There was no mistaking Kotooshu, the 6’7" hairy
Bulgarian, from 5’7" Kasugao. Or Takamisakari, called "RoboCop" for
his wild stomping and arm-waving machine-out-of-control exuberance, for
baby-faced 19-year-old Kisenosato.
No, I couldn’t pronounce everything, but when the injured old guy
(Kotonowaka) handing on by a thread went up against the rising master
(Chiyotaikai), or when the lightest guy in the tournament (Ama) held
his own against another master (Tochiazuma) before the latter finally
just picked him up and carried him out of the ring like a child, anybody could see why people were cheering.
The highest-ranked Sumo on Earth, Asashoryu, was unreal. After slapping RoboCop silly, he
tossed the Bulgarian around by his silk megathong, spinning him repeatedly
around the ring until he lost his balance. How the hell do you toss a 350-pound 6’7" man
like a rag doll?
And then Chiyotaikai surprised Asashoryu with a sort of jiu-jitsu yank-off-balance move, winning in the final in an upset.
I gotta go to Japan.
Sumo. Must have Sumo.