Cheney’s office is now going to have to claim executive privilege to avoid a congressional subpoena.

This right after Cheney’s office declared that, contrary to 218 years of US constitutional history, his office is not part of the executive branch.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the last six and a half years would make a lot more sense if the GOP were actually performing a sophisticated Dada art exhibition.

This Cheney character would actually be pretty tolerable if he weren’t actually real. You could just say, OK, I see what they’re doing here — this is clearly modeled on the fictional Bob Rumson from Aaron Sorkin’s The American President. Then give him two drunk driving convictions, a lesbian daughter, and a wife who writes soft-core erotica, just so everyone knows the reactionary moralizing is all just a put-on. Then give him five Vietnam deferments and a continuing income from Halliburton so absolutely no one can find him credible on defense issues.  Oh, and get his office involved in the outing of a covert CIA employee involved with monitoring the proliferation of WMDs in the mideast, and then have him claim national security as his keynote issue.

If suddenly Cheney just pulled off the rubber mask, and it was actually Mike Myers underneath, just screwing around, OK, then it would all make more sense.

But that day surely must be getting close. Apparently they’ve decided to make increasingly insane claims, some of them bordering on self-contradictory, just so maybe the country will finally catch on and say, "hey now, wait — this is all a put-on, isn’t it?"

Incidentally, the Washington Post has just done an excellent four-part series on what Rumson, er, Cheney here has been up to and how. Highly recommended.

So now Dick Cheney is back in the executive branch. Until he decides he isn’t again. He’s like Posted in Almost Seven Wonders

How much would you bid (all proceeds to charity) to spend some quality face time with Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy, Angel, Firefly, and all things good and wondrous? If you’ll be in San Diego for ComiCon, you’ve got a couple of weeks to mull.

Incidentally, I’m not sure I’ve ever said publicly how invaluable Joss’s work has been for me, particularly in learning not to flinch or go defensively ironic in writing about Big Stuff like love and death, trying to not just intellectually but emotionally honest, even when those emotions are completely unexpected. To the extent that Trebekistan works in the hard parts, a lot of credit goes to the good airs of Whedonia. And then of course I was blown away when he actually blurbed the thing.

So. Dinner. Charity. You can bid starting next week on eBay. You are notified.

On Craigslists all over the country, you can actually find a growing industry of people buying and selling positions in the waiting line to buy one. The going rate for a place in line seems to be $200 and up.

I kid you not.

I should disclose that I retain a small investment in the company myself. In fairness, let me also point out that users still have many of the unanswered questions from the phone’s initial announcement, among which remain:

• How badly will the iPhone’s touch-sensitive screen smudge? Because I am pretty greasy.

• Will the iPhone be able to synch wirelessly with my computer or another iPhone? If two or more users touch our iPhones together, will it multiply our powers?

• Where can I buy powers? Please, please sell powers as an add-on.

• I heard Steve Jobs’s iPhone includes a Taser. What about the rest of us – do we get Tasers, too? The cellphone/Taser would be a killer app.

• How will my greasy hands affect Taser performance? Because I am pretty greasy.

• How many iPhones would it take to repel a wild baboon? I had a bad experience with a baboon.

• The proximity sensor that turns the touchscreen off when you bring the iPhone near your head to talk – what about a user who doesn’t have a head?

• There’s nowhere for me to plug in my Zip drive.

• The battery is now rated at 8 hours of talk, 6 hours of Internet browsing, or 7 hours of video playback. How long will the battery last when repelling baboons?

• Hey, maybe I can download powers through iTunes.

• If I’m Tasering baboons with the iPhone, and a call comes in, is there a speakerphone?

• The touchscreen – does that only work with fingers, or any body part? Because I download a lot of porn.

• The built-in camera seems only to work in the visible light spectrum. Come on, Apple. Think of the user experience.

• I hear Microsoft is working on a cellphone with X-Ray Spex built in.

• The built-in Google Maps – will that help me see baboons as they gather?

• If I’m downloading porn and I rotate the phone into landscape mode, the iPod video thing won’t kick in, will it? Because if I’m looking at porn and suddenly there’s Dwight from The Office, I am using the self-destruct.

Update, Monday evening: the thing won’t be out for four more days… and in New York, there are already people in line.

Glenn Greenwald notes that thanks to the mass media adoption of more nonsense from the White House, everyone we fight in Iraq is now "Al-Qaeda."

Never mind that Al-Qaeda-aligned foreigners have never comprised more than a tiny minority of combatants.  But demonize and blur the motives of everyone else, and you get to look righteous by comparison, especially if nobody knows any better.

It’s a desperate move by the White House, indicating awareness of how untenable the U.S. position has become.  And it’s appalling that so much of the media is still going along for the ride.

Greenwald’s second post on the subject is here.

On a related subject, Think Progress points out a galling new Newsweek poll: 41 percent of Americans now believe incorrectly that Saddam was involved in 9-11.  That number is rising, not falling.  Four years after the invasion, reality does not yet intrude on the minds of two Americans in five.

For all our enjoyment of CNN’s mislocation of Afghanistan, we also know that CNN has not made that mistake before, and they almost certainly will not again.

But Greenwald catches them repeating the blatant Al Qaeda distortion, an absolute falsehood they and the rest of the media continue to propagate.

Thanks to such rubbish, plus our own comfortable complicity, at least 40 percent of Americans still have no functional understanding of a four-year-old war.

Bad news, everywhere I cheer.

My beloved Cleveland Indians have fallen back into second place. They’re a pretty good team, as I pointed out last January, when I put the over/under at 88 wins just by looking at the roster, but two good starting pitchers and five good position guys do not a title make. There are days where four guys in the lineup would fit nicely in AAA. As long as the GM seems to think he can improve the team by adding the aging Trot Nixon and David Dellucci… well, lower your expectations.

Travis Hafner, so recently the team’s best hitter, seems to have developed a hole in his strike zone. Watch his next swing at breaking stuff low and inside from righthanders. That’s a swing and a miss now. Didn’t used to be.

Fwiw, and I hate this: I also wouldn’t be surprised to see C.C. Sabathia, the team’s best homegrown pitcher in three decades, start breaking down in the next few years. Historically, pitchers who throw a ton of innings from a young age begin mechanically failing much sooner than guys who eased into 200 innings a year in their mid-20s. Look up Nolan Ryan’s early career numbers, or Kenny Rogers’, or or Randy Johnson’s. All pitched surprisingly few innings before the age of 25. Then compare to Dwight Gooden, Mark Fidrych, Gary Nolan, Don Gullett, fastballers whose careers fell apart way too soon. Those guys threw 250 innings a season early on, and their arms basically fell off later. Sabathia has never thrown 250, but he’s been around 200 every year since age 20. Not the poster boy for the syndrome by any means, but since he’s never in particularly great physical shape, he may be at higher risk now than most pitchers his age.

This is the Starters Paradox: if you want to be great when you’re 40, suck when you’re 20.

Then I open the paper today, and now my favorite soccer player is leaving my favorite soccer team. Thierry Henry is reportedly leaving Arsenal to go play alongside Ronaldinho at Barcelona. So soccer is going to be less exciting in two leagues this year.

Supposedly this gives Barca a fantastic attack, but Real Madrid tried something similar not long ago and discovered there was only one ball on the field. Same thing when the Lakers had Kobe, Shaq, Payton, Malone, and the ghost of Stu Sutcliffe on bass. There’s still just one ball. I’ll keep cheering for the Gooners, but, well, arrrrgh.

And in rugby, I’m starting to think the upcoming world cup will just be a coronation of New Zealand the same way the cricket world cup was a coronation of Australia. Here’s how deep New Zealand is: last week, in the Pacific Nations Cup, the New Zealand B-team (the "Junior All Blacks") played the Aussie B-team ("Australia A"). The result? 50-0. And it wasn’t even that close; it was 38-0 at halftime. Basically, when New Zealand have an injury, there’s a whole second first-class squad to dip into. The thing is months away, and looking at the teams, I’d put money on NZ over maybe South Africa in the final. South Africa will surprise.

Come to think of it, those two played in the Tri-Nations overnight. This is why future archaeologists will believe we all worshipped a god named TiVo, with altars in every living room. [Update: NZ won, 26-21. The Boks dominated early, but the Kiwis’ more experienced bench took over in the last 30 minutes. Like clockwork.]

Enjoy your weekend.