Meet two members of the Royal Scotch Guard, whose uniforms never need cleaning:

Don’t ask what’s in the groin-level fanny pack deals. Unless you’re up for a Justin Timberlake thing.

In which case, you might need some ScotchGuard of your own.

PS — yes, I know the fanny pack is technically called a sporran.  But it’s still a fanny pack.  That’s what sporrans are.