Blackbirds falling from the sky and fish washing ashore in four states can only mean one thing

M. Night Shyamalan has started directing our entire lives.

And we're only on page 3.

Well, dang.

Next, watch for aliens, ghosts, demons, alien ghost demons, and exposition shots of Philadelphia.

In four months, there will be a surprise twist that is not remotely surprising.

It will either be (a) our environmental regulations are too lax, or (b) we all actually died during the Bush administration, and the last two years have been a collective hallucination inside Mel Gibson's head.

Sometimes, watching the news, it all feels way too much like (b) anyway.

Happy New Year! Here’s to a fantastic 1997!

Everybody else can welcome 2012. But I say, why gamble on the unknown? 

Besides, 1997 was awesome, at least when it was still the future. In sci-fi, 1997 was when HAL 9000 was activated, the Jupiter II launched, Skynet blew up mankind, V began his Vendetta, and Snake Plissken escaped from New York. All in the same year.

How did I not notice all that? I must have been busy doing my radio stuff the whole time. Man, that was a great year. Except for the complete destruction of mankind.

In Dubai, “pork” is just one letter different from “porn”

I've got 100s of travel pics I've never posted, and it's about time I start… in the back of a Dubai grocery, here's the dark, shameful, forbidden pork booth.

On the other side of this secreted nook, porcivorous heathens creep around in the darkness, lusting after taboo bits of flesh, while the righteous avert their eyes.

Change just one letter, and it's oddly like the back of magazine shops before the internet.

(Btw, the red-white-and-blue color scheme made it feel weirdly like an Arabian Kroger.)